So I am now living in North Chili in New York with my boyfriend and we decide to have our friend Vinny over. Well Vinny wants to bring over his girlfriend, or something like that. And since omegix isn't answering his im's [[grrr]] I'm forced to actually update this journal and vent about this girl. Now a little while before they came over we actually cleaned up the room a bit and made our futon [[formerly the bed]] into a couch. Within in seconds of being in our apartment, she decides that she has to be in the living room. Okay fine. So we're out in the living room. No we just can't wait Metalacolypse because she doesn't like it.
Just to make sure you get the picture. B.I.T.C.H. Very whiny. [[Think: Like oh my gawd!!!]]
Right now she's talking about how she doesn't think black people are scary. [[I used to live on blah blah and blah I think I know what I'm talking about... wow.]]
How long is this going to last?
And where oh where is Sunni when you need her???
Or more importantly, how long until this girl realizes that chocolate is not her best friend?? Hm... whipped cream darling? Aha.

Okays real update now:
Last time I updated I was married, in Honeoye, Ny and well things have changed quite a bit. I'm now happily divorced and with a great guy named Justin. [[Think: had a crush on this guy for at least 7 years and finally! Together! Okay so I'm a bit giddy and in lala land, but can you blame me? I mean he actually treats me right!]]

Damn you omegix for not answering my im. I'm trying so hard to keep my mouth shut, but I doubt I have enough alcohol for that.

Warning: Explosive under extreme conditions.

Kelly came home from work yesterday and told me that I do have a job. So yays, I get to go back today. What joy.
I'm doing a lot better and I am really not looking forward to going back. Argh.
Hopefully today won't be too bad. Miss everyone in NY and will see you in a couple months :)

love all.

-going to the hospital
-paramedics not being able to find my pulse
-kelly being scared for me
-scaring my friends at work
-stupid supervisor yelling at me for passing out (asshole)
-finding out my blood pressure was 90/80
-finding out my new meds made this all possible
-losing my job due to things i can't help
+becca im'ing me to make sure i'm okay (i love that girl)
+knowing that payday is friday
+allen being really nice to me all day
+knowing that i will never have to step foot in west again
+knowing that my friends really do care about me
+kelly being super sweet to me
+my gramma calming me down today

hopefully today was NOT an omen for the rest of the year....

happy new year.

1.Who was the first person u talked to in 06? Kelly
2. The first person you hugged? Kelly
3. The first person you called? My little sister, Becca
4. The first person you texted? No one yet
5. The first drink you drank? Diet Coke
6. The first person that called you? Becca
7. The first person that texted you? No one yet
8. Have you talked to all of you top 8 yet? Everyone but Sunni
9. Any of your top 8? Yes
10. Who was the 1st person to hang up on you? No one
11. What was the first thing you watched on TV? I wanted wanted to watch the ball drop, but I forgot about the hour difference between here and New York, so I was stuck with fireworks.
12. Who was the first person you thought of? Kelly
13. What was the first thing you ate? Cheetos
14. What were you wearing at midnight? A sexy tank top and black stretchy pants
15. Who was the first person you kissed? Kelly of course.

So this day has completely gone to shit.
Work completely sucked because Kelly and I were at odds the whole day due to lack of sleep and we were so freaking hungry. Then I get home and find that I can't relax because I have to pick up a package that my mom had sent us.
Then when I finally get to relax, I find I have a message from Adam. This is where it all starts to fall apart.
He had e-mailed Kelly the other day saying that he was fine with him, but wouldn't be fine with me unless I apologized for something I said about him about a year ago. It was such a childish and immature thing for me to do, and it was really nasty. I'm still embarassed about what I said that I'm not even going to mention it on here.
He did do something to me for me to say such a thing. I.E. breaking up with me for a stupid excuse (and lying), cheating on me and not being man enough to tell me (instead he dumps me), refusing to admit to me that he cheated on me after I have proof that he did, and then trying to get Kelly to leave me saying that Kelly has to choose between me and him. Personally, I wouldn't have blamed Kelly for leaving me after Adam brought that up. He and Adam had been friends since kindergarten and we hadn't been together for very long.
But, Kelly chose me.
So I stupidly apologize to him. He writes back saying that he does not accept my apology, reiterates that me and MY LITTLE SISTER are known as the sluts of greece, ny (which is totally ridiculous because I'd never slept with someone without being in a relationship with them until I moved down here and because we are the only two people he even knows from greece). He tells me that I use people and manipulate as well as lie to them to get my own way. Yes that's right Adam, because I'm just a bitch like that. I so just went out with you to get laid and use you. That's my main goal in life. A life of guilt... RIGHT.
Then he has the nerve to call Kelly stupid.
Kelly's not the one who got arrested for attempting to steal a discman from Wal-mart. How stupid can you be??
Anyway, so I write him back saying that I was sincere in my apology. Reiterate that it takes a lot of guilt and regret for me to apologize to someone (unless they're my family) and tell him that I am not the one manipulating and lying to people for my own use. I didn't ask him for an apology, when I very well could have. HE ASKED ME. So the guy can just fuck off. But there is still the problem of Kelly being (once again) stuck in the middle. And I feel so bad that he is stuck in that position.
I'm about ready to say, fuck you Adam, I fucking despise you (which I most definitely do), you can be friends with Kelly, but if you hurt him again, I'm not sure what I'll do but it sure as hell won't be pretty.

I need a sedative or I will go off the wall. Coffee would do it for me though. Argh.

At least Allen and I are back on decent terms. And apparently now he's set on staying here. Which is good for Kelly. Not quite so good for me. I want to be a newly wed and it just be me and Kelly. That's all.

At least Christmas is on Sunday. The Christmas Eve service should cheer me up.

::Raises glass::
Here's to a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and no panic attacks within the next twenty-four hours.

happy frickin christmas!!!!!

allen's leaving... falalalalala!

okay yeah :)

1.What does your LiveJournal nickname mean? I used to think I was a renegade, and I know for certain that I am a rocker.

2. Elaborate on your icon photo? It's ME. It's MY lj.

3. Did you lie about your age anywhere on the net? Nope.

4. How many LJ friends do you have? Not sure, don't want to check. About 15 or so?

5. What is your current status? Married :)

6. What are you wearing right now? Purple baby doll shirt with lace :) and jeans

7. What is life to you? Something to be treasured, so glad I learned that lesson.

8. What is love? A gift to be treasured, no matter who or how they feel it.

9. What kind of people do you dislike most? People who always need constant attention. People who lie to get people to notice them. People who will do anything just to get what they want. People who backstab, and most importantly, people who put down your beliefs and dreams.

10. What type of people do you like most? People that have dreams. People who aren't afraid to believe in their own religion. People who don't make opinions based upon others' opinions. People who love, people who hate, people who are real people.

11. What makes you happy? My beliefs, my family, my husband, my friends, my music.

12. Are you musically inclined? I'd like to think so, I know I have a decent voice, and I can hear a song and sing it afterwards pretty decently.

13. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out that the person you love most didn't exist or was killed? I would probably freak out and try and analyze the situation. The next step would probably be trying to convince myself that it was all a dream. Then comes depression, then grief, then relief.

14. If you could go back in time and change ONE thing, what would you change? I wouldn't have lost my most precious gift to that dirt bag. I'd listen more to my heart and my mind, than to other's ideas of what I should be and what I should act like. I'd live my own life the way we are allowed to. I'd take back and keep my free will.

15. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be? I'd be a tiger in Africa. I'd sleep all day in the sun, kill my own food, not worry about bills or work and just be lazy. Then cry when the day ended.

16. Ever had a near death experience? Not really. I've been extremely scared before, but not for myself that much, usually just for others.

17. Name ONE obvious personality quality you have. Being a marshmallow on the outside, but rock solid on the inside. I will be anyone's friend, and if they hurt me, because I was prepared for it, it doesn't affect me as much as some one else (say someone I'd known for a while and trusted with all my soul).

18. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? More Than A Feeling by Boston (it's my alarm ring)

19. Are you happy today? Not especially. I'm more worn out and down. We had to get the brakes on our car fixed yesterday and had to use my birthday money, the rest of our paychecks AND the money my grammommy sent us for Christmas to pay for it.

20.Who will cut and paste this first? I'm the last one to do this specific one, I think. Maybe Nadine? Not sure...

*skanked* from nadine (her words, not mine :-D)

1. My username is ____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

1. My username is renegaderocker because I made this when I was still in high school and I thought I was a renegade. I KNOW I'm a rocker.

2. My journal is titled "my number is f-u-c-k-o-f-f" because the day before I made this, a chauvanistic asshole asked me to go down on him, and I slapped him. Then he had the nerve to ask for my number so I said that to him. Never bugged me again.

3. My subtitle is "boys are smelly" because they are. Except the gay ones and Jeff. Kelly smells alright. But I think those are just subspecies. Mostly boys smell.

4. My friends page is called "girls are better" because at the time, I had a wonderful girlfriend, and girls can do it better, so therefore they ARE better. Take that smelly boys :)

5. My default userpic is "ME!!!" because I love fucking with my own pictures and I like how it looks. And I don't know why the fuck I put my own picture up, maybe because it's my journal?? And I like making people look at me. It's funny. HAHA.

mwahs. In New York March 9th through the 12th. Yays! Will make so much frickin' times for my friends. THAT'S YOU SHANNON! and others, but shannon most definitely...


So I guess you all want an actual update, considering I usually only put up surveys and shit.
FINE HERE YOU GO YOU WHINEY BITCHES. *why do I feel like I'm talking to myself?*

Today's highpoints:
Getting the mail (just to find out that I didn't get anymore birthday cards *YET*
Lunch time, actually left the building today whoohoo. I feel so special
Getting the red hair dye... didn't come out the way I really really wanted it to, but Kelly and Allen swear to me that it looks good. Guess I'll find out what other people think.
And um, yeah I'm thinking that's it.

Today's lowpoints:
Realizing that I still have a full day of training to get through...
Getting up.
Going to training.
Stupid people in training.
TRAINING IN GENERAL.
Seeing my hair when it got down and realizing that it's not supposed to look like this...

I'm going to take opinions of people and see what they think. If the overall opinion is a thumbs down, back to black it goes in a bit...

TOMORROW"S MY BIRTHDAY! Well technically in 4 hours. So yeah bitches, congradulate me on lasting another year.
Why the hell do we celebrate birthdays? I love doing it, but I never understood why we go through it all. It's fun to get presents and cake and good foods, but is it really all that hard to turn a year older? I guess for older people it is (70 years and up), but age 20? I don't know. What the fuck ever. I love my birthday. And I love cake. And I love thai food. And I really love presents (but don't care if I get any, just as long as all my friends are with me). And I really really really love my Kelly. And his MARVELOUS present for me. Yes, I know what I got... hehe.

Okay blinking lights mean a *bleeping* *bleep* *bleep* wants to talk to me.

BYES!!!

Well Kelly and I had this huge argument/talk last night. Started out as yelling at each other and then me crying, then deciding on staying in Alabama, but visiting New York at least 3 or 4 times a year. We're planning on going to New York for my mom's 49th birthday in March. I'm going to tell my sister that we're coming, but it will be a surprise for my mom. I can't wait to see her face when she comes home from work and I'm just sitting there with Becca. It's gonna be great.
We finally decided that we DO want to move, probally to a house though. Maybe it would be better to start off in a townhouse, but I'm not sure yet. Still have some researching to do.

I can't wait until my birthday. With my phone off, my dad can't ruin it for me this year. YAYS. On Thursday, me Allen Kelly and Russ are going to celebrate... then on Friday it's a friends fun night :) Which means... DRINKING!! Hallelujah. I'm going to need a drink after the past week I've had.

Hopefully everyone I've invited can make it on Friday night.